Yes, I'm still able to masturbate, thank you for asking. But life with only one arm really is different. I was given a special keyboard by my sister and my mom sent me a loads of cool things designed to help me feel as if I had two arms like I used to... like nothing ever happened...
There are two more surgeries in order to re-shape and approximate what is left of my left arm.
But I can't really put in words what it means to have lost my left hand, my dominant hand, on the slopes of Solitude, Utah. For me, the worst thing was flying home, thinking of all my life with both arms fully functioning. I felt feelings of shame, embarrassment, I felt ugly and neutered.
The accident happened so fast, like a bolt of lightening, and I don't remember much except thinking "this is really, really bad" before dumping my head in the powder. When my eyes opened, my parents and girlfriend were standing there - looking dazed, and I knew, without looking, instantly what had occurred during the previous few hours. The only thing I didn't know at the time was that I had been somehow transported to a hospital in Denver, Co. Apparently there was a doctor there who happened to be willing to work on me that weekend, but if you asked me, I'd probably say anyone with the proper pain killers may have been able to do the work... Anyway, after a couple days of sitting there, it was time to head out, and since I needed a little time to myself, I decided I'd get to the airport by myself and meet up with everyone at the hANGER.
On the cab ride to the airport, I was fixated on Sammy the Cabby's stories of life as a fare worker. He told of the story of one guy who flagged him down, one summer night in the early 90s in Hollywood, and requested to be driven to Arizona and be shuttled around the next day. "When he asked me if I'd do it, I said 'we all have a price', and so it was on, Joey."
"How much did you make, Sammy?"
"Ohh, about $2,000 for the two days, and I got a free stay at a 5-star, ate some good food and watched him finger a model in the backseat, which was interesting enough to tell my boss I'd be gone a couple days, despite his demands that I bring his car back immediately. See, I own this car now. That weekend, that customer taught me how to do my job the right way and I've never looked back."
But I sat next to a Morman woman on the flight, and this woman was special in many ways. She told me about her sons - she told me I resembled one of her sons, and I felt a warmth. Her energy was unlike most other Mormons I've sat next to on other flights, and she gave me some really interesting recipes to try once I was comfortable in the kitchen.
It's pretty funny, looking back, how for all those years I would take so much pride in being a "lefty". I was an awesome stickball pitcher because none of my other stickball playing friends were leftys, so I confused them. I remember one time going into a "Lefthanders Only" store and bought a binder that had the spiral threading spun through the opposite side of the book so it wouldn't interfere with my writing style. Being a southpaw was always something a little bit different. How many times have I told people "we're the only ones in our right mind"?
Re-adjustment? Shit. This is how life has always been, I'll just have to work extra hard now for that voice-activated technology everywhere in the house.
Go DUKE!
3 comments:
Wait...is your hand completely gone, or just under repair?
It's amazing. While watching Duke win the NCAA final, my hand magically re-appeared. As if my lizard-like magic!
Imagine what you could've grown if Butler won.
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