Friday is a pretty big deal

Seems like everywhere I go these days, I run in to reminders of the folks I already know.  Is L.A. shrinking or am I just running out of coffee shops to stop for afternoon pick-me-ups?  That, or maybe Bill Friday is just a pretty big deal.

maybe the last 1.3 megapixel picture i ever take

it will be a sad day when I finally give up the 1.3 megapixel camera phone.  the day is coming in the next few days so unless something crazy happens i'll be using a blackberry (not much better quality...) so i'll be a little sad.  there is nothing like the 1.3 mp. it takes a little talent to use the worst camera left on earth.

I took this last night at the hollywood bowl - where I was witness to the best concert I've seen in probally 20 years buddy.  yeah I just said 20 years.  no i'm not "techno" as my sister calls me, i've always liked the big names in electronic music - but the Chemical Brothers are by far the best at what they do.  i was a little bummed they didn't play a few of my favorites, but only slightly because I had the realization that those songs never would have worked.  Hey Boy, Hey Girl had a creepy clown in the middle of song during the light show that freaked out Suitcase Sally.  we danced, shared champagne... ate korean food and wowed at the atmosphere.  GREAT SHoW.

Slowly they come, step by step

July was a crazy month.  I don't think I came around here once, but if you weren't sure before, I'm now two.

and...

Backwards Roll

Yeah, so I got married last week and having just got back from a pre-honeymoon getaway, I thought I would do this in reverse and show some of the pics from the trip.  Most are scenic in nature, but fear not, more will be on the way when I receive them.  Meanwhile, enjoy the scenery, all of which were taken at the Krishnamurti Foundation's center in Ojai, CA.  Yeah, it was so peaceful to hear the sounds of only 4 planes flying over head in four days.  We did some amazing star gazing, watched a satellite do some pretty fancy maneuvers, picked oranges and avocados, went hiking, stayed in the Igor Stravinsky suite where I did some far out writing and we read from some of the fantastic books the room came equipped with while we pondered a greater escape.  It was simply awesome. Stay tuned as more pics are revealed.

Yep, that's me with with a "I can't believe we pulled that off!" look.

When I say there was great reading, I did not lie, but this was only in the main lobby.  The individual rooms have a far more diverse selection.  In fact the only Krishnamurti reading was done on the first day we were there.

Then she rang my bell.  Har har.

Free Leslie Van Houten July 06, 2010

Today you are going to read a shitload of articles full of mistakes. Most, if not all of them will be poorly written, confusing, and laced with bias. If you want to read anything that HEARTILY out-facts, out-thinks and outshines anything Bugliosi ever printed  about Leslie Van Houten - stay away from the mainstream news, and search for those underground bloggers and other various alternatives to your normal news to find anything other than "bitch must die" bullshit that won't get you anything worthwhile. I had to quit reading a few different articles, one of which I couldn't get more than about 1/3 of the way down. You'd think 40+ years after the fact, writers would have the wit to create a piece worthy of reading all the way through... just not sure what the heck these fools are doing -- is .0095 cents per click really worth writing complete bullshit articles?

Fat old crime writers sit in their withered black fake-leather desk chair and clank their way to yet another failed attempt to create a name or buzz or whatever sorta viral bug they think they can achieve.  Can't all these fat asses just get the hell lost?  Leave!  Enjoy retirement.  The attempt to gain a legion of people behind you must be like a really bad day hunting or fishing.  You just came home with half a squirrel or a bucket of guppies.


This will be the last we hear of Leslie, so wave and say "hello" as this psychedelic train fires up the steam engine once more -toooot toot.  Goodbye ol' fella, you're a majestic one ain't ya? 

Meanwhile, take a seat and read part 1 - part 5 of John Water's account of the friendship he built up with with Leslie.  The long-term implications being of extreme importance, particularly on a day like today. 

It's the best piece of an example of how the system could use a jolt of positivity.  The whole country could use it, and today that can be provided in the form of a shared belief that maybe, in this account, at very least, this could be a day when the public can view how a system can rehabilitate.  That's what its there for right?

Will Former Chess Player Sign with the Clippers?

Sofoklis Schortsanitis is a Greek professional basketball player the Los Angeles Clippers drafted way back in 2003.  The team offered him a contract in 2006, but Schortsanitis was still under contract with Olympiacos so, at the time, the deal was declined. 
However, new reports coming from the Greek press reveal that Schortsanitis has begun looking for a home in California, with possible sights on playing for the Clippers.
As you may recall, Greece polished off the USA team in 2006 on their way to a silver in the FIBA World Championships in Japan.
The 6'10" center was born to a Greek father and a Cameroonian mother, has a popular fan-site (in Greek) and goes by a couple different nicknames - Baby Shaq and Big Sofo.

According to a post at The Hoop, Schortsanitis is already headed to L.A., which could mean that discussions with Olympiacos had setbacks, leaving Sofo with an opportunity to give the NBA a shot. 
The Clippers select 8th in this years draft, and a surprise signing of the 25 year old would certainly have an impact on the team's selection process.

Innovative Baby Products

Posted at: 2010-05-19 00:11:41 |

 

Original ad:
LARGE CRIB WANTED
I need a large(tall) crib for my 9 month old. The crib I have right now is too small - he keeps climbing out! I need a crib that is too high for my baby to get out of it. Please respond with pictures. Contact Julia @ ********@verizon.net

From Me to ********@verizon.net:

Hey Julia,

I may have the perfect crib for you. It is a very large crib that has some features to prevent your baby from escaping. Please let me know if you are interested.

Thanks,

Mike

From Julia ******** to Me:

How big is it? Do you have any pictures of it?

From Me to Julia ********:

Julia,

It is very large. As I said, it has modifications to prevent escape. The entire top perimeter of the crib has been reinforced with a metal frame that is connected to a car battery. When someone tries to escape the crib, they will be given a gentile electric shock, which will discourage them from attempting to climb out of the crib again. The price includes a 12 volt car battery, but a higher-voltage battery can always be purchased, depending on how fat your child is. Here is a picture of the setup:



I am currently using the crib for one of my friends who happens to be a midget. He tends to frequently get drunk and violent, so we put him in this crib when he starts getting belligerent. The battery works great for keeping him in, so I am assuming it will work great for your child. The only reason I am getting rid of it is because the midget was recently arrested for arson, so he won't be around for a while.

I have something else that you may be interested in as well. Are you tired of waking up in the middle of the night to the sound of your baby crying? With this clever device, you won't even have to get out of bed to calm your baby.



It is a little mobile that I invented called "The Lullibinator." Simply hang it above the crib, and the microphone will detect when the baby is crying. If the crying reaches a certain decibel level, the box will spray a calming mist of pepper spray into the crib. It trains your baby not to cry in no time! It worked great on the midget when he started yelling. It comes with 2% CS pepper spray, which is practically harmless. It can be upgraded to bear mace if your child continues to cry. I have decorated the Lullibinator with friendly smiley faces to comfort your baby.

I am asking $50 for the Lullibinator, and $250 for the crib/battery combo. Let me know if you want to set up a time to stop by and check this stuff out.

Thanks,

Mike

From Julia ******** to Me:

Oh my god

From Julia ******** to Me:

Please tell me you're kidding. You're kidding, right?

From Me to Julia ********:

Julia,

Why would I be kidding? I thought $250 was more than reasonable. I got a lot of use out of these things before social services took my kid away. I still do whenever the midget comes over.

Mike

From Julia ******** to Me:

I...don't know what to say to you. You are a disgusting excuse for a human being. How dare you ever think that I would use this for my child. Don't you ever e-mail me again, you scumbag.

From Me to Julia ********:

Julia,

I've been called some harsh things for my haggling tactics, but you seem to have been very offended by the price I have offered. I am sorry; I had no intention of offending you. I will drop the total price to $200 for everything, and I'll even throw this in for free:



Now you won't have to get up to give your baby a bottle when he is thirsty. This handy crib-bottle will allow your baby to quench his thirst any time he wants. It doesn't have to necessarily be filled with tequila (like I said, this crib was set up for a midget). It can easily be filled with Gatorade, breast milk, or whatever else your baby prefers. Throw in a can of food and the baby can practically live on his own!

Please let me know when you are going to pick this stuff up. I am going to Atlantic City for the weekend, so I need you to get it before I leave.

Thanks,

Mike

Why, damn you?

Got some tickets...

I know - it's an eternity away, but I just got tickets to the Chemical Brothers show in late Aug. at the Hollywood Bowl.  Long time fan, first time attendee.  I can't wait.

Buffalo Wingfield

Any girl in the world could have known me better, but one fine day there was one stunning beauty that walked right by me, curled her index finger and lured me to adults-only bar where we met over a drink or two.  Lured and captured and fondled it was all me taking the rope and yanking it on that great October night.

And like a wave of sloppy news reports - there were people with screwdrivers planted firmly in their intestines and dna left sitting on the camera bag, empty and left for all the suckas to read.

It was the October of memories, and two years before the country would be changed forever - but for this single entity it was already too late.  In her head and in her dress that was the most quiet day of my life.  A tranquility that only got louder in small enough doses and that was the beginning of a story that can't seem to end.

Jesus Pwnership

Round Here We Play our Favorites

It's an oldie but goody, that ol' Farts.com site recently updated for Easter.  Yeah, a couple weeks too late, but the concept is so neanderthal it's still funny.

2010 Most Underrated MLB Team - Detroit Tigers

Those sounds in the stands is not from the fans over there at ... uhmm... Comerica Park don't sound too great yet.  But as the season wears on, my 2010 prediction for success in major league baseball is the Detroit Tigers.  This is a mere "the city needs it" speech, or thoughtless wanna-be sports pinger hype. By the way, come on, Comerica Park?  Give me a fucking break.  Tiger Stadium MUST be revived, but this is a different topic that won't get fixed this season, but they will soon be sorry, I have a feeling.

The Tigers made some moves that are going to pay off big.  Currently, I believe they have a potentially fantastic top half of a pitching rotation that can match any other team's 1-2.  Verlander and Bonderman are two absolute winners.  Aces.  Verlander had a miserable start to his sophomore season in 2009, but finally gained steam during the 2nd half.  Even through his inconsistencies last year, there were a few gems that showed signs of life. 

The Tigers could really luck out if Dontrelle Willis finds his groove and stays healthy.  He is in his 3rd season in Motown and has yet to start his 20th game.  This season so far he is 0-1 in three starts, but if his spring training was any indication, Dontrelle can be a force.

Jose Valverde was the prize off-season acquisition who adds consistency to the bullpen.  Any time a team makes an impact move like this, you know they have playoffs on the mind.

On that same wavelength, adding veteran Johnny Damon to the lineup provides more consistency and invaluable experience.  Damon is a stellar player year in and year out - no lineup falls apart when Damon is there every day.  Even with KC in the late 90s, Damon helped keep that team somewhat in contention.  When he got traded in 2000 after collecting 214 hits that season, he did have a quiet season Oakland, but they still went on to win 102 games (and then lost to the Yankees).  Boston and NY (speaking of the devil) were both dominating teams with Johnny, so yeah, he's a winner.

Is Austin Jackson really as good as what "they" say?  Well, he's had a hit in all but two of the Tigers first 15 games. 

The middle of their lineup includes Mags, a career .312 hitter and Cabrera, another career .312 talent.

This was a recap of the good - they do have voids to fill (Polanco at 2nd is gone) and question marks to answer to, but Detroit has it going on this year, and you heard it here at Daily Mael.

Sunday Update

I woke up and the sky is filled with a soupy fog that most likely will fade and be gone by the time I go out for some golf (tee time is at 3:30) and when I say "some" golf I only mean 9 holes.  I have over-extended my weekend  - which is to say, my sister came over and forced me to throw out all the shit I don't need any more.  Suitcase Sally followed suit.  And now despite having a place that weighs a little less, it appears as if lava just rolled through the living room area.  It's not pretty.

I've turned the corner and I'm sprinting toward the finish line with the Master's degree.  It's nice to have a little direction - but I'm so tired by the end of the week, most of the time, I just look back and think about the writing chances I missed out on.

Mmmm... the smell of turkey bacon has just infiltrated my nostrils.  Someone is up to something no good and I must see if there is any coffee left over.

Megnut has provided us with a lot of great food blogging over the years

Got 20 Bucks?

I had to defend this guy today; a big guy who must have weighed about 300 lbs.  Bless him for getting his fat ass on the court, but when he turned to me and said "I got 20 on you" I almost snapped.  I kept bouncing out of the key trying to get open, I waved to my teammates because it would just take a snap to get around him, but I only kept thinking "does this fool really think he's got "20" on me, or should I have rectified the point right then and there to make sure?"

Since there were three idiots trying to run the squad, I couldn't get the ball and trample on his ass, but this guy was far more than 20 bucks more than I carry - and hell - they beat us (they cheated, no really they cheated bad).

All in all, I have to say it really didn't make a difference, I was done by that point - 4 games, a throbbing knee and work to finish at home left me less than interested in revenge at that moment.


The best news of today folks must be the New Dell I purchased!  That's right - I've been working on the same machine for 6 years, and at the time, I purchased it from a gal off Craigslist for 50 bucks. While it has been damn good to me, and got me through thousands of essays, articles, posts and other random computer world stuff - it was certainly time to pass along to my mom, who has never really had a computer to call her own.  Now she will.  ALSO, I purchased the phattest non-touchscreen monitor around today.  It's awesome and when it arrives, I think things are going to change for me and the world of blogging for the better.  For one, I'll be able to multi-task - something my current machine apparently can't help me with any more.  Time to go ya think?  And so it sits, the machine is on the floor panting for attention I won't give it until the monitor arrives.  With that pretty graphics card ready for a spin or two around the block, I'm slobbering on myself. 

A new era of computing begins soon.  I hope it helps...

Apology is Due - Sorry Herndon!

Yes, I was a hater during the winter months... A guy we'll just call JF runs the finest NCAA tourney ever and after three years of losing, I was a total sleeve wagon.  I went on his blizz-og and trash talked his pool calling it "a scam", though I was joking.  Of course, with fighting words like that, it's hard to convey silliness, in fact, his tourney is downright awesome, but I did the talking and I don't think it went over too well.

Until today, when Duke - a loathsome team that everybody loves to hate, won the NCAA tournament, securing me with a 6th place finish.

Before you go ... big whoop... you should know there were about 1,200 entrants or something silly.  The first 10 entries land "in the units" and I will be getting a bunch of units in the mail sometime soon!  Apparently my bank accepts these units and transfers them into tokens or widgets.

So, yeah, I feel like an ass.   My comments were even wiped off his blog, so I know this didn't go over very well - the only way I can apologize is by taking those units and buying something fun for the home.

JF is awesome, and tonight he made me a winner.

Oh and if you are wondering about my left hand, it magically grew back after April 1st.

I lost my arm in a skiing accident recently

Unfortunately, I'm only able to type with my right hand now.

Yes, I'm still able to masturbate, thank you for asking.  But life with only one arm really is different.   I was given a special keyboard by my sister and my mom sent me a loads of cool things designed to help me feel as if I had two arms like I used to... like nothing ever happened...

There are two more surgeries in order to re-shape and approximate what is left of my left arm.

But I can't really put in words what it means to have lost my left hand, my dominant hand, on the slopes of Solitude, Utah.  For me, the worst thing was flying home, thinking of all my life with both arms fully functioning.  I felt feelings of shame, embarrassment, I felt ugly and neutered.

The accident happened so fast, like a bolt of lightening, and I don't remember much except thinking "this is really, really bad" before dumping my head in the powder.  When my eyes opened, my parents and girlfriend were standing there - looking dazed, and I knew, without looking, instantly what had occurred during the previous few hours.  The only thing I didn't know at the time was that I had been somehow transported to a hospital in Denver, Co.  Apparently there was a doctor there who happened to be  willing to work on me that weekend, but if you asked me, I'd probably say anyone with the proper pain killers may have been able to do the work...  Anyway, after a couple days of sitting there, it was time to head out, and since I needed a little time to myself, I decided I'd get to the airport by myself and meet up with everyone at the hANGER.

On the cab ride to the airport, I was fixated on Sammy the Cabby's stories of life as a fare worker.  He told of the story of one guy who flagged him down, one summer night in the early 90s in Hollywood, and requested to be driven to Arizona and be shuttled around the next day.  "When he asked me if I'd do it, I said 'we all have a price', and so it was on, Joey."


"How much did you make, Sammy?"

"Ohh, about $2,000 for the two days, and I got a free stay at a 5-star, ate some good food and watched him finger a model in the backseat, which was interesting enough to tell my boss I'd be gone a couple days, despite his demands that I bring his car back immediately.  See, I own this car now.  That weekend, that customer taught me how to do my job the right way and I've never looked back."

I tipped him from my right rear pocket straight to his hand and headed into the Denver airport - a masonic dungeon filled with images that scared the hell out of me; it's a place I'd describe as a morbid combination of the animated love that was Disney and everything that was demonic about Hitler or that horrific Denver school catastrophe...  I hustled to my plane and got there 30 minutes early, meeting up with everyone there, waiting with balloons and other shit I didn't want.

But I sat next to a Morman woman on the flight, and this woman was special in many ways.  She told me about her sons - she told me I resembled one of her sons, and I felt a warmth.  Her energy was unlike most other Mormons I've sat next to on other flights, and she gave me some really interesting recipes to try once I was comfortable in the kitchen.

It's pretty funny, looking back, how for all those years I would take so much pride in being a "lefty".  I was an awesome stickball pitcher because none of my other stickball playing friends were leftys, so I confused them.  I remember one time going into a "Lefthanders Only" store and bought a binder that had the spiral threading spun through the opposite side of the book so it wouldn't interfere with my writing style.  Being a southpaw was always something a little bit different.  How many times have I told people "we're the only ones in our right mind"?

I took online tests and surveys, Steve "Lefty" Carlton is my favorite pitcher of all-time, I sat on the left side of any righty while sitting in a booth at a restaurant, to avoid elbow collisions.


Re-adjustment?  Shit.   This is how life has always been, I'll just have to work extra hard now for that voice-activated technology everywhere in the house.


Go DUKE!

Damn: Corey Haim is dead

TMZ, once again, has broken the story.  This time Corey Haim is dead.

He was found in the valley, dead of a drug overdose.... that is some sad stuff...

The reason it is so sad for me is that we grew up in the same neighborhood, and he and the other Corey (Feldman) were like buddies to me in a way.  I have a best friend and we've been compared because of how we worked well together the way these two did.

That was the 80s, and when in recent times, it became clear Corey came under the influence of heavy drug addiction that was sad enough.  But that he had to make a Hollywood comeback was just useless. 

When the Two Coreys show came out, it was a time bomb, and it was clear this was not going to be a pretty ending.  They couldn't work together anymore and now, at 38, Corey Haim is dead.

Then I

took a nap ...

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