The Olympics Are Gone

And so I thought I'd drop a China memory of mine... I was hiking through the mountains near Tsing Tao in 2003... when I came upon this dude.



I was shaking my fist in anger because the man with no teeth was having NONE of my barters/haggles. I wound up paying full-price for a Coke Cola knockoff.

Burning Man Just Finished Day Two

Why am I NOT here?



The dancing doesn't seem all-together as peaceful and synergized as one might expect, but - hey... wait a second... I think that girl is my former roommate!

Joe Eszterhas Triumph - Big Claims

The report that director of some of the worst movies in the history of the industry, Joe Eszterhas, has given his life over to God is amazing. Amazingly lame. Hey - giving life to God is a wonderful thing and is not to be knocked. But to read the story of the man who made Showgirls without a GOOD LORD expression overruling any other emotion was all I needed to comment.

Remember Big Shots? The 56 year old has left Malibu and went back to Ohio where he belongs. He states shock at how out of touch Hollywood producers are with most Americans. No.

No...

This can't be. Producers surely know more than most about the "everyday" man, right? This guy, Eszterhas, can do no right. He is a Hollywood monster who made movies that "explored" the dark side of life. Flashdance comes to mind.

In Jade there are some amazing goofs in an otherwise horribly pathetic movie. Horribly made (by William Friedkin), and even worse writing that couldn't be overcome anyway. Whoever was buying this man's scripts was obviously in love with Joe's partying lifestyle. Millions of dollars were paid to this man whose finest moment was Sharon Stone's croth shot in Basic Instinct. That sure reached out to the common man he speaks of. And now represents...

Hey, the guy has written a lot, and he knows how to get paid:

His Salary History
One Night Stand (1997)
$4,000,000
Jade (1995)
$2,500,000
Showgirls (1995)
$2,000,000
Sliver (1993)
$3,000,000
Basic Instinct (1992)
$3,000,000 ** Highest amount ever paid for a script at that point in history.
Big Shots (1987)
$1,250,000
Flashdance (1983)
$275,000

Crossbearer: A Memoir of Faith, was recently written by the now-sober bad director. His throat cancer is "cured" and though he only has 1/4th of his larynx left, he apparently doesn't have a problem getting publicity. Prepare yourself for his version of a sober Jesus movie or really horrible knock off to Passion of the Christ. Somehow I have a feeling he will try to push one more out using left over tar in his lungs.

I Don't Know Why

I don't know why I do it to myself. I blame no one. I was listening to Rush this morning and he read these bar stats. No science here... just a poll by bartenders in Washington. When I reviewed the %s against what Rush said, it was difficult to verify what the heck he read because he's got a quick tongue when he's off the oxy.

The full survey questions and results include:

-- Who is a better tipper? Democrats 60%, Republicans 38%

-- Who is more likely to order a drink straight up? Democrats 14%, Republicans 82%

-- Who is more likely to order a fruity (pink) drink? Democrats 58%, Republicans 34%

-- Who has the better pick-up lines? Democrats 74%, Republicans 14%

-- Who is better at giving a toast? Democrats 63%, Republicans 36%

-- Who is more likely to arrive first to happy hour? Democrats 48%, Republicans 50%

-- Who is more likely to be the last to go home? Democrats 53%, Republicans 46%

In my experience, these statistics make no sense. Everybody sets the bar.

Summer Is Waning

Fantasy Football is coming, so I'm getting geared up. I just got Madden 09 for my XBox and I couldn't be more PISSED. I'm a Jets fan, in fact on MySpace I'm a member of the Los Angeles Jets page, and as you know Brett Favre is on the cover of the game as a GB Packer, but not on the Packers since it was a tribute to his career. That's right, he retired again in the off-season, and picked up by the Jets just last month. Well that means I'll have to sign up for XBox Live for the updates.

There's a Women Against Fantasy Sports blog thats kinda funny.

A brief synopsis of my weekend... Art, training, writing, running, and last night WINNING at poker. I got too wrapped up in writing some articles that I haven't been updating - what a waste of a beautiful website!

Making Fun Of Kaman

Chris Kaman is a GOOBER.

I wrote this piece the other day as a tongue-n-cheeky plot to get readers and poke fun at Clippers owner Donald Sterling. It worked, and even though it's silly, I kinda like it.

Goobernatorial Olympian Chris Kaman: Clippers "lied"!

German American Chris Kaman, one of the world’s largest golden retrievers, no longer looks like a serial killer since cutting his Mordorish locks but maintains his status as the National Basketball Association’s answer to Marmaduke and those nasty rulers from Orc. He changed his appearance to fan cheers last season for a more conservative, more aggressive look, and the result was another horrendous Clippers’ campaign in which he missed 26 games due to injury. But forget that, the Clippers organization is like a porn slut that doesn’t age, only to suck harder with each passing year. Today his challenge is a little different. He decided, based on his German heritage, to play for the German national basketball team in this summer’s Olympic games. Despite being born in America, and thus being an American, the giant golden retriever basketball player is making an impact for a German team all too happy to have him in their backcourt.

Read more...

IT IS HERE!

Hot off the presses, the newest edition of REPUBLIC MAGAZINE has come to me JUST a little ahead of the curve, and I love it.

They sell the issues HERE for only $1 and OMG it looks so beautiful to see my work in ol' black n white.

One buck, man. One buck.

You can't even get a McDonald's double cheeseburger for a buck (fat tax added). The cover, which I've displayed a few times is sweet. Frank McEnulty is the New American Independent Party's first ever presidential nominee is so happy with the article he wants to nominate me for a Pulitzer for being able to get his name out there... and back here on planet Earth I'm trying to get Nader to buy a bunch also.

I'm happy... yeahhhh.

Ralph Nader: Justice Over Power

Justice Over Power is the title of one of my articles to be included in Republic Magazine (it's on the FRONT cover and to be released toward the end of August 08; see post titled "Defending The Constitution Tonight") and of course I've found the perfect segment of an interview that I would have used in the article but found it WAY too late. DAMN! Anyway, Steve Martin was at the top of the world in the late 70's and early 80's. He was on the cover of Playboy in January of 1980, leading the world, in his wild and crazy way, into the decade that made me what I am today - a reader of 1980 Playboy magazines.

This part of the interview was funny to me when I visualized Martin talking about his comedy at the peak of his career. It makes me proud that some 28 years later, I am able to write a serious article about Nader.

Playboy: What makes you think you can talk about comedy any more than sex or politics?

Martin: OK. Why am I not political? One reason is purely aesthetic. There were too many political thinkers in the Sixties. There was too much political comedy. It was a cheap laugh. The world didn't need another political comedian (when he came out). The world still doesn't need another serious person. There're too many people who are really good at it; they don't need me.

Playboy: A Ralph Nader of comedy you're not.

Martin: As Ralph Nader is necessary, so am I necessary, so am I necessary. Checks and balances. If everyone were Ralph Nader, we'd have no consumers; and if everyone were me, we'd have no champions. Choosing not to decide something is an existential decision. That's the way I feel about politics. Choosing not to be socially aware, choosing to be naive about it, is a statement.

Go mingle

GW is really enjoying the Olympics. Forget all the management of the country a few days. Take a load off, man! With all the questions about oil, the new war thingy going on in Georgia and fighting off all the evil doers trying to kick his ass out of office early - he just needs to simplify and take it all in for a quick moment.

For more outstanding pictures of idiots and Olympic athletes, check THIS site out.

Defending the Constitution Tonight

Tonight via the wonders of the web listeners from anywhere can tune in to a 4 hour OPEN LINE event on Restore the Republic's national conference call tonight.

The issues covered will be the very issues that have scarred the nation over the past 8 years. Surveillance and the restructuring of our 4th amendment, media ownership, politics, North American Union, development of Freedom TV and many, many more.

There will be 100s of callers discussing issues, and I might have an opportunity to do something special that I have never had a chance to do - defend articles I wrote for two cutting-edge candidates Independent Ralph Nader and New American Independent candidate Frank McEnulty. I actually met McEnulty and got the opportunity to interview him earlier in the summer. This is one of the most exciting things to happen to me in a long while, and fortunately, my articles are included in a magazine that will be widely circulated and talked about.

The significance of this show, is that Restore the Republic is responsible for Republic Magazine, a growing magazine that needs everyone's help to be successful. This upcoming 8th issue includes my two candidate articles. If you go to the site, scroll about half way down the page and submit to the digital subscription, you will get all 7 back issues in PDF format, and eventually you will get the 8th issue, the presidential issue.

As we get closer to the magazine's release, I will be more vocal and directive.

For tonight, the show begins at 6pm (pacific) and I think runs four hours. Open talk, join in!

Attack of the BABIES?

Babies are everywhere, man! Best friend Barney has 1 that cries all the time. I started getting a headache talking to B today cuz the kid was in his arms wailing. Sorry dude, had to go.

Old timer friend just had twins... I've yet to congratulate him, but I'll get to it...

Another friend had twins..

Kids are cool. Teens suck.

On another note ... went to sushi the other night with sexy accountant friend, and guess what. Her company builds the freakin' Burning Man. Could that be the ticket? We'll see, we just might pull it out. I want to go for the experience, I've never been and this year is perfect.

Ok, just did a 1 hour spin class so I'm crashing.

The Ultimate LAFF-DOWN is a comedy battle of the brawny new comics dueling it out on stage to win your laughs. It is being held at a 1-star rated bar n grill called the Fender Bar and Grill, a place where rats and roaches cohabitate in harmony. If you scroll down, you will see the list for Yesterday's competition with my sister's name on it. Word has it this particular list of comedians can be filed under "Not Funny, and Ugly". For a full schedule of the comedic ruins, click HERE.

Merry moved on, so further down below is her schedule for the quarter finals, where she will be attempting to move on to the Elite 8. If you live around there, please, keep your normally scheduled activities.

"Ultimate Laff-Down" - Comedy Competition
Wednesday nights at Fender Avenue Bar And Grill (except for the FINALS) in Fullerton, California.

Fender Avenue Bar And Grill
2466 Fender Ave.
Fullerton, Ca. 92831

Wednesday, August 6, 2008
Preliminary round #6
8:30 PM Start
$10 cover and no minimum

Host: Laura Hayden
Special Guest: Erik Mackenroth
1. Chris Andre
2. Merry Axelrod
3. Chris Bennett
4. Russ Binder
5. Molly Harper
6. Charles Jones
7. Kevin Lahaie
8. Jeffrey Leon
9. X
10. X

Quarter Finals:

Wednesday, September 24, 2008
QUARTER-FINALS #3
8:30 PM Start
$10 cover and no minimum

Host: Ron J. Ruhman
Special Guest: Tom Riehl
1. Merry Axelrod
2. Buzzy Enniss
3. Doyle Hanks
4. Phil Matthews
5. Dave Nunez
6. Erik Schulte
7. ?
8. ?
9. ?
10. ?

This Country Is A Dump?

This caller just got on John and Ken. Oh gadddddzzoooks! Holy Beebles this lady was so distraught. She was crying, bitching and moaning how she got fired 7 years ago when she was in her late 50s. "Tony" didn't get bleeped when she said she wants to leave this "Goddamned Country", which you must be able to say on the radio, but for effect, it sounded GREAT. Later in the call she said she was 69, so after catching my attention for a minute, the whole story quickly fell apart. I'm such a sucker for radio drama.

Hello FARKers!

If you found this site tonight via FARK, it's because I linked my last post. Not really significant you say? I say it is because I just noticed my hits getting a nice steady pace, so thank you. I'll have to add an affiliate button to show some love.

The blog is new, come on back sometime.

I know someone named Jen n Tonic and she told me Fark was her favorite news source and it is quickly becoming mine. She's pretty funny too.

Take it easy!

OUT

Quick Thought For The Day

This demonstrates the number of banks in the United States though the course of the past 20 years.



Consolidations, takeovers, mergers, whatever you want to call it - everything is pointing towards the wrong direction. The number of banks is getting fewer by the minute and at this pace, someday soon we may all be shopping at one universal bank.

Welcome back...

Last week I added a good video by a band called Ting Tings. And since I started something, I thought I'd carry through a few more days and add videos of hot women lead singers. Todays song is by M.I.A. and if you have heard it, the song is a little bizarre, but draws an impressive picture. The video is nowhere near as impactful as the song itself, which is a beast. The lyrics appear to be censored, you'll have to go have a read sometime... Anyway I think it was recently used in a trailer for Pineapple Express. I would recommend downloading a remixed version for listening, but for now here's the original.

I Wrote An Article For Another Site...

My 40th for Broowaha. I feel so dirty! But I'm not ashamed. I will add that this story is about two mexican police agents who were in West Covina (actually La Puente) and got busted as part of a joint effort by the DEA and LAPD. Well done guys. The two police agents were charged with receiving drug money and some $500,000 cash was taken as evidence.

One thing I tried calling attention to was that Drudge Report hasn't put this story up on it's front page. Instead, Drudge opted to cover Los Angeles' REAL news by having a story on violent L.A. taggers. Uhmm... taggers? WTF! Lemme see... MEXICAN POLICE AGENTS involved in the illegal drug trade, making millions, affected how many millions of homes in the LA area ALONE, and Drudge feels it is important to discuss angsty wall painters. In Peru, taggers are well-revered. There seems to be a cultural imbalance here, certainly the two stories are relatives. But as I've blogged about before, I've been face to face with a few federales before, on their home turf, and they are ruthless and corrupt motherfuckers. They should be treated as such, but I have a bad feeling taggers are going to feel the squeeze much harder than will the Mexican police drug traffickers.

I added a video to the story for effect, but it's not directly related to the story - so I've been called a racist once already today. I'm not, but I guess the unknown person didn't want to talk about it.

Anyway, go read the story now! Click HERE.

And for your Sunday entertainment I thought I'd throw you a special video brought to you by Joe Namath and ESPN: